How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
