I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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