I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
