Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
