So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
