your thong is hanging out like whoa
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
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