sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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