he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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