Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
