We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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