ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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