I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
