every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
