My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
