I smell stomach acid.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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