I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Your penis caused this!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
