Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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