I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
