Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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