Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize