make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
