thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
