Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
This is classic penis vs brain.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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