I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
