How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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