i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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