I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
