you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
