I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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