please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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