Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
