Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize