is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
