My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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