Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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