am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He better not be in your backpack
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
