talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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