We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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