we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
