I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
