Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
