Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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