Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
