And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
