just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
