We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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