At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
