she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
