True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize