Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Randomize
