i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
