I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
