Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
