I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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