I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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