It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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