he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
