I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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