Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
