just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
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