I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
