She said her name was "party"
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Semen is not good for contacts.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
