if you like me you must not know who I am
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
